I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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