She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
