We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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