clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
