considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
