I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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