dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
