exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
