I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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