I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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