I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
