His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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