today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
