God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We left the knife in your bed.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
