i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
