do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
