Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
