So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
