well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize