There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
