if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
