I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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