Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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