You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
