It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
