white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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