Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
