haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
