just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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