I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize