I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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