PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
sarcasm needs its own font
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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