All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
