I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
