Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
