How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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