and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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