I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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