Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
