I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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