my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
