You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It's rum buckets o'clock
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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