When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
