every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize