Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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