Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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