jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
