Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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