Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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