I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
