feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
