Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize