11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
she peed on how many people?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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