He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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