I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
