I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
