dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
