i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
