Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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