I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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