i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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