I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
operation harelip BJ is a go
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
