For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
