First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
