The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize