You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
