when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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