So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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