Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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