worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize