she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
